I'm so torn right now.

On the one hand, it's Valentine's Day, the single most loathesome holiday in the western hemisphere.  How it makes me shudder. The mass-produced cards devoid of any real emotional meaning, the diabetic-pink stuffed animals, the chalk candy, the day to flaunt your S.O. if you have one or else to sulk in a closet all day, avoiding the world and ruing your life choices. Valentine's, the universal day of "I gave you chocolate so you owe me a blowjob, right?" I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

On the other...

I have a boyfriend, you guys. Squee. As Rob "I-must-have-like-six-bodies-buried-under-my-shed-to-balance-out-being-this-inhumanly-adorable-and-perfect" McDancepants is my very first boyfriend, this means, at the age of 22, this is going to be my first actual Valentine's day. Wut even. Sooo...I'm excited, and mad at myself for being excited, but not too excited because I'm a girl and there are certain unfortunate timing situations that are currently in progress, because Mother Nature has to put the kibosh on anything working out too nicely. Um.

Anywhoskies I can't decide if I loathe this holiday properly right at this exact moment. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still loathe this holiday. This holiday is an excuse to make happy single people miserable and/or cynical about love. Buuuuut it gives me an excuse to be all sappy right now, and dear holy puppies-in-a-handbasket am I an enormous sap at the moment. It's ridiculous.  Somebody save me from the Hallmark cheese! Except no really don't, this is wonderful and stupid and mostly wonderful. Blah. Happy Valentine's day, you wonderful people, and sorry I'm not alive much right now. I hope that those of you in relationships take the time to really appreciate your S.O., 'cause holy crud is this nice. Those of you not in relationships--you know what? Make this damn awful holiday your day too. Eat a bucket of ice cream, watch Disney movies, paint your toenails (even if you're a guy--just do it!) and do absolutely nothing all day. Wear green and pretend it's St. Patties' Day, maybe. Whatevs. You're all awesome and V-day sucks, even when it doesn't.

In honor of those of you currently celebrating S.A.D. and cursing the happy people, I have crafted for your pleasure the following list of Things that are Objectively Terrible:
Spiders (what kind of crummy list would this be if it didn't start with spiders?)
Tuesdays
Raisins. Not prunes, though. Prunes are delicious.
February, and also August
Wet feet
Saxophones. I understand that there may be some disagreement with me on this point, but I respectfully submit that y'all are wrong.
Battery life
The word "moist"
5:30 am
Baboons
When you're too tired to be productive but too busy to go to sleep
Dry highlighters
Law school! Love y'all.